I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
