I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
