I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
