He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
