I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
