I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
