There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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