the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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