lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
