i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
