i think my tv is drunk
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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