Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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