I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
