for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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