Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
