goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
