The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
