I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
