i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize