chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
is wine microwaveable?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
