Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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