whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize