i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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