you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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