I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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