It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
