So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
