you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
