he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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