so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it because I queefed?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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