At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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