hotel room ftw
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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