everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
