Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
