the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
