Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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