let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
