i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
