I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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