Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize