Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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