My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
