in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize