Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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