I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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