so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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