Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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