apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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