Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
