the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
