My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
