The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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