She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize