you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize