I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
