I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
