Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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