went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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