You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Houston, we have a squirter
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize