I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
