I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
