The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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