Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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