I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
