party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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