Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
