Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im six kinds of drunk right now
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
