When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's never too late to be topless.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Holy shit dude........stairs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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