well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
