If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize