You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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