I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
