I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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