"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ladies don't puke and tell
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
