So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
