My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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