his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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