I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
