I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
