totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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